Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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