my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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