is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you traded sex for a burrito?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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