mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
