Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
