just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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