I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
