my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize