Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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