I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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