Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
