Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
