you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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