I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
