The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
