i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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