Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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