why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
