I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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