How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
