he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
