he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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