I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
