A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
