i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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