I think i peed on brittanys purse
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
well most of my day revolves around power hour
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
