Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize