Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
