I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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