What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
