dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
