I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
