so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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