Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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