So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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