apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
