Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
