new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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