Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
