..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
