girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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