Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
