I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
