sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Boobs speak an international language.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
