i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
