what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
