i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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