4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
