he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
