My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
