hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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