I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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