my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
