No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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