you would pick up someone in the library
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
