batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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