dude i'm inner monologue high
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
