The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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