that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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