I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize