i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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