Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
as a side note pls kill me
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
