My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
