But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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