some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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