They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
